Why Won't My Therapist Give Advice?
Advice is a complicated word in the therapy world and can be difficult as a client to figure out where the line is. It might also be frustrating when you’ve gained more awareness of the problem and are wondering “now what?” From a client perspective, do you ever wonder why your therapist, with the knowledge/expertise they have and their outsider perspective of your issues, doesn't just tell you what you should do about the problem? Let’s talk about it!
The short answer is, our ethical guidelines discourage therapists from giving advice on certain topics and encourage therapists to honor our clients’ autonomy to make their own decisions in their lives. It is important to acknowledge that there are other professionals, such as life coaches, career coaches, and others who may have different scopes of practice and therefore provide varying levels of expertise or advice to their clients.
The longer explanation considers this factor among others. Stephen Andrew, LCSW, LADC, covered this topic as a guest on Episode 111 of Light Up The Couch, addressing the power dynamics at play in the therapy room when therapists enter problem-solving mode. He shared that when therapists adopt the role of the “helper,” it assumes that the client is “damaged” or needs to be “fixed,” when in reality, clients already have the strengths and solutions within themselves to solve their problems. This podcast also covers the issue of compassion fatigue, and constantly placing ourselves in the role as the “helper” may ultimately lead to burnout, preventing us from being any help at all!
While in theory it may be wonderful to have infinite knowledge about each client, it’s impossible. Each individual is different, based on their personal and cultural identities, background, and life experiences, and any two individuals may respond to the same event differently.
For example, if an individual comes into a session and describes being in an unhealthy marriage, one’s first thought may be, “why is this person still in this relationship?” or “you need to get out of this immediately.” Consider that this individual may be unable or unwilling to end the relationship based on religious or cultural beliefs about marriage and divorce, they’re financially bound to this individual, or their physical safety is at risk if they leave. One client in this situation may have the support and resources available to safely leave, and another client may not. A therapist needs to carefully consider these factors among others with their client and would risk causing harm by advising them to immediately end the relationship.
Providing advice on life decisions limits the client’s accountability and command over their life. If another person is consistently completing a student’s homework for them, how much is this student able to learn and develop that skill to utilize it for future assignments? The therapist cannot work harder than the client or make the changes for the client themselves. However, therapists are active supports through the process. Together, we will identify the problems, explore potential solutions, and uncover new perspectives — equipping the client for future challenges!
Therapy can be a challenge as well as a reward as you learn more about yourself. Whatever emotions and curiosities come up, we are here alongside you and aim to support you through your journey!
Supervised by Kristen Pierce, LMFT-S
